#data will fall

In a ground-breaking move, South African mobile operators have announced a deal whereby people who cannot afford data would be able to barter their goods in exchange for data bundles. The new deal is set to come into effect in 2017 as some ground work needs to be done to design a structure of how this system will work practically.

Speaking to reporters, Vodacom’s Jal nied ta jus Pay said, “we are tired of the FOMO that is going on out there because people cannot afford data and as one of the biggest networks in the country we have taken it upon ourselves to bring data to the people.”


The system will see collection centres being set up across the country to collect goods and other items in exchange for airtime/recharge vouchers. Although it is still unclear what goods will be exchanged for which amounts of airtime, unconfirmed reports also suggest that those who have nothing to exchange will even be offered the chance to get contract deals as long they can work it off in 24 months.


The deals on offer range from getting a Huawei p9 with 1G of data per month in exchange for doing the Vodacom CEO’s gardening for 2 years to getting an S7 with 5G of data per month for doing lap dances at Teasers on the outskirts of Johannesburg. The latter deal would see the club covering your contract costs.


Experts around the world are hailing this new cost model as the way most mobile network providers will go especially in developing countries where data costs are so prohibitive that some people are even unable to respond to friend requests from as far back as 2 years ago.


A spokesperson for the Ministry of Communication said, “hopefully this brings down the cost of airtime and who knows people could free up more money to afford university fees making the feesmustfall hashtag obsolete and in turn all the (insertproblemhere)mustfall hashtags”


Ditching your network

Because I’m tired of expensive calls and ludicrous charges for data, I have decided to ‘break up’ with my mobile service provider. Not to be insensitive and because I can’t do it face to face (apparently asking to see the CEO of Vodacom so you can break up in person is considered frivolous) , I’ve written this letter to them.

Dear Vodacom,

Please don’t ever think of this as being a “you vs. me” situation because it never has been.

You were my first love. Savvy. Successful. For years I didn’t think anyone could compete, but you made it clear through your data bundles that I wasn’t for you and I was happy to hold on to you as a friend.

But everyone needs to be loved back at some point. I couldn’t wait forever, and I found someone who loves me back. I’m sorry if my switching to Cell C made you realize you had buried feelings for me, but you can’t claim me as your own just because you’re ready now. Know that part of me will always love you.

I’ll stand-by you. When your ads are on TV I’ll watch them, you’ve always been creative.

PS: It’s not me it really is you.